Why do we torture ourselves every March like this? What's the special allure of the bracket that we can't seem to get enough? It draws us in every time in that time period between Selection Sunday and the tip-off to the first "second round" games, only to cause us nothing but misery come Saturday.

Correctly picking tournament games is tough to do. Especially if you only started paying attention to college basketball this week ("There's a team called the Chanticleers?! That's gotta be made up!"), and when you have 68 teams to choose from ("There are 68 teams now! What happened to 64?!" "Why do I keep asking myself exlamatory questions like this!?!?" "Am I going insane?!?").

Still, we gotta do it. FOMO, amirite?

Since you've probably already gone through the typical bracket research business (with all the so-called "experts" giving their picks), it might be time for a better method. Something a little more custom-made to you.

We came up with five bracket personality archetypes you might fall into. And since all of them, like most brackets, will probably be crumpled in a ball at the bottom of a trashcan by this time next week, you might as well be true to yourself.

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The Risk Averse

There is no denying that Kentucky is the overwhelming favorite. And you're the type who likes to look both ways (twice) before crossing the street, only to end up hailing an Uber instead. So why swim against the tide when you can just pick Kentucky to win every game. No, it doesn't matter if Kentucky is playing in the game or not. The Cats are going to win in the grand scheme, so just go ahead and let them win each time.

Who is going to win that Oregon/Oklahoma State game? Kentucky, of course. And what will be the biggest upset of March Madness? Kentucky beating Kentucky in a nail-biter. (I really thought Kentucky had that one.) The Kentucky vs. Kentucky final will be one for the ages. You probably could split Kentucky's platoons onto different teams and they'd each make a deep run. Maybe they should do that just to make this thing more fair.

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The Chaos Theorist

Some people just like to watch the world burn. And that's the essence of The Chaos Theorist.

He (or she) is the antithesis of the Risk Averse. This person wants upsets, and lots of them. That's why you'll rarely see a one or two seed make it past the Round of 32. And why traditional powerhouses fall to their knees at the power of the mid-to-lower-middle majors.

This year, the chaotic picks du jour are Buffalo and UC Irvine, both first-timers in March Madness. UCLA gets a nice run, too, just because everyone said they didn't even deserve to make the field (MWAHAHAHA says the Chaos Theorist). You'll also notice that this bracket decided Temple -- who are in the NIT -- will win the Villanova-Lafayette matchup, somehow. And the Lovecraftian demon god Cthulhu will survive the first round of the South (although, to be fair, that's just another name for Duke).

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The Homer

This is the most subjective of all the picking styles. The Homer is probably a casual fan who picks his team to go the whole way, knows it won't happen, but still does it just on the off-chance he can say "I told you so" if lightning strikes. If the Homer's favorite team didn't make the field, he just picks against all the teams he hates.

Personally, my Homer bracket features the Georgia Bulldogs cutting down the nets. And, yes, you're right. Any person who truly picks Georgia to win the title needs to have his head examined. But I can't tell you how good it felt to look at empty bracket and fill out "UGA" all the way to the championship without giving any thought to who the opponent would be. Now I'm just waiting to say, "I told you so."

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The Dog Lover

If a team has a dog mascot, go ahead and pick them. If the team has a cat mascot, toss them out immediately. (Sorry, Kentucky. You aren't making it past the first round of this one.)

The most dog friendly region is the East, featuring the NC State Wolfpack and Georgia Bulldogs, as well as the Albany Great Danes. Albany gets the nod to the Final Four because Great Danes are the horse of dogs and you don't want too many Bulldogs filling up the Final Four.

The Wofford Terriers win it all, because well ... JUST LOOK AT THIS FACE!

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The Stat Nerd

Hello, Nate Silvers of the world! This bracket is for the serious fan who wants to win his office pool whilst proving his superior intellect (and using words like "whilst"). To do that, he scours the web trying to find whatever edge there is to be had so he can come out victorious. 

We made our Stat Nerd bracket as simple as we possibly could, by using Ken Pomeroy's projections using the log5 equation. Basically we looked at which teams had the highest percent chance to advance into the next round. To no one's surprise, Kentucky is the favorite. According to KenPom, the Wildcats have a 1-in-3 shot at winning the tournament. So it goes to show -- after all the brackets we've looked at -- that the smartest course of action is going with this one.

(Click to enlarge bracket.)



Cy Brown is a contributor at Sports on Earth. Follow him on Twitter @CEPBrown.