Coming to a screen near you: "Biscuits and Garvey," the new buddy cop action film starring Dave Winfield and Steve Garvey. You'll laugh. You'll cry. You'll argue balls and strikes.
OK, so maybe that's just a blockbuster fantasy for now.
But when the worlds of comedy and baseball collided during the recent All-Star Week festivities in San Diego, these two former Padres legends were united for real in the spirit of good fun and celebration. Anything, even that most unfathomable of screenplay ideas, seemed possible.
The date was July 9, the Saturday before the 87th All-Star Game at Petco Park. The event was the Celebrity Sports Roast & Toast, and the minds behind the madness were some of the best comedy writers in the game.
"It was fantastic," said Garvey, the longtime Dodgers first baseman who made himself a hero in San Diego by hitting a monumental home run in Game 4 of the 1984 National League Championship Series against the Cubs as a Padre.
"Dave and I had done some events a few years ago, and we had sat there for a few hours talking about the good old days that time, so once we were back together, it was like we were already pretty warmed up and got into a good rhythm," he added.
"Whenever we get together, one thing leads to another and the stories just go."
This time around, during a one hour-and-15-minute program at the MLB.com space in the San Diego Convention Center, it wasn't just stories. It was jokes and good-natured ribbing and scripted videos written for the occasion by some Major League humor heavyweights.
Producers Chris Olsen, who is developing a film about Packers coach Vince Lombardi, and Don Lepore, an Emmy nominee who directed the 30 for 30 short film "The Irrelevant Giant," collaborated with writers Guy Nicolucci (The Daily Show, Conan O'Brien), Kevin Schini and Mike Ferrucci (Comedy Central roasts), Pat Kilbane (MAD TV) and Melissa McQueen (ACME Saturday Night) and director Lepore to come up with the comedy pieces, roast jokes and monologues.
Jamie Kennedy served as the host. Comedian Aida Rodriguez filled in with plenty of one-liners.
Meanwhile, Winfield and Garvey handled the grace under pressure, showing the ability to make fun of themselves … and each other.
Each baseball icon had their own clip. Winfield narrated a faux-PSA "Safety at the Ballpark" primer that had him urging spectators to arrive early, drink responsibly, and, in reference to his infamous deadly avian pregame throw in Toronto in 1983, "Finally, if you're a seagull, watch out for warmup tosses."
Garvey portrayed himself as totally fine with not being in the Hall of Fame because he has hobbies, including staying in shape, being "a big fan of plush cat puppets," and never leaving the house "without a clever disguise." He also said he keeps his money in tightly packaged bundles and does duck calls.
The irreverence continued with a guest video from late-night host Jimmy Kimmel about his love for Winfield and Garvey, a mockumentary about the life and times of the famous San Diego Chicken Mascot entitled, "Poultry in Motion," and the "Biscuits and Garvey" clip, which featured a wild-eyed Kennedy as a slightly deranged TV showrunner pitching his batty idea to the baffled-but-on-board duo.
This Roast & Toast might be over, but there will be another after this year's World Series (guests of honor to be determined). Garvey, for one, said he's happy he was able to take a few on the chin to make people smile.
"I've seen a bunch of those Friars Club roasts from the 1970s and 1980s, the real classics," Garvey said. "And those are just brutal. This wasn't like that. It was really funny, but it was also fun."