Back in January 2015, out of total frustration with the profound idiocy of the Deflategate controversy, my editors here at Sports on Earth and I began discussing where it ranked among the dumbest sports stories of all time. Then I realized: When you take a step back, all sports stories are pretty dumb. We think these things are so important at the time, and people on television yell at each other at increasingly loud volumes about them, and then a week later we move on to something else.
Thus, a regular feature: a look at the 10 dumbest sports stories of each month. It is shockingly easy to come up with them -- stories that rattle around the sports biosphere, get us all riled up and then go away.
10. Former NFL players fired from high school coaching job for … once standing near alcohol. Three years ago, Fernando Bryant and his wife posed for a picture with an unopened bottle of alcohol near them. Twenty days after being hired as head coach of a Christian academy's football team, that post got him fired. This was awful for Bryant. And if this sets any sort of precedent, literally everyone you've ever met or known is about to be unemployed.
9. Jameis Winston tells little girls they should be silent in "motivational" classroom talk. If you can come up with a reason that Winston was giving elementary school kids advice in the first person, you should probably not tell anyone because your reason is a bad one.
8. Kobe Buffalomeat. That's his name. He's going to play for Illinois State next year. But really, he's going to play for all of us. (And Jimmy Kimmel too.)
7. Shaquille O'Neal and JaVale McGee are having a Twitter fight. Later, McGee's mother and friends (namely Kevin Durant) would tell Shaq to knock it off. All of these people are grown adults, by the way.
6. Mark Cuban makes Bleacher Report take down a completely innocuous Tweet about Dirk Nowitzki. Explain to me again how Cuban sending a nasty note to Adam Silver and Turner president David Levy about an employee who sent a (perfectly fine, if dopey in the way all tweets are dopey) tweet, demanding the tweet be deleted, is any worse than the time Darren Rovell tried to narc out some college kid.
5. Kyrie Irving (Probably) Jokes About the World Being Flat, Everybody Takes Him Deadly Serious. Seriously, he was just kidding. Right? Right?
4. Kirk Cousins goes nuts on a volunteer ref in a charity game. I'm not sure why more hasn't been made out of this. Kirk Cousins is a bit … intense.
Settle down, Kirk Cousins, damn.
3. Bill Walton took his shirt off during a broadcast. Honestly, the real surprise is that it took this long.
2. The whole James Dolan-Charles Oakley fiasco. All of it was bad, but I think maybe the worst thing was when two dopes (almost certainly paid by Dolan, or at least I would hope so) put together a pro-Dolan protest outside Madison Square Garden. Being a Knicks fan is the worst, man.
1. Sutton United backup keeper Wayne Shaw is introduced to the world. Much was made of how Shaw ate a pie during Sutton's FA cup game against Arsenal - which may have been a violation of gambling laws and ended up leading to his resignation from the team - but I still haven't gotten over the fact that he was at the bar at halftime.
I kid you not. Sutton reserve keeper Wayne Shaw is in the bar at half-time. pic.twitter.com/f7014pXRBP- Chris Slegg (@ChrisSlegg) February 20, 2017
This is the future of sport as we know it, and I feel fine.