We did a variation on this column last year, so let's do it again. One of my favorite things about the Esurance MLB All-Star Game Ballot is that you can fill it out 35 times. 35! That is so many! That's a ton of options to play around with. With 35 permutations, you really don't have to make much of a decision about anything at all.
Here are 18 ways -- you can do each of these twice, or, of course, just make up your own -- to fill out your All-Star ballot.
Some are legitimate, some are stupid, some use math, some use random chance. But they all have one thing in common: They all count just as much as any other vote.
So come with me, as we get some variety in this thing (and, no, we're not concerned with proper outfield alignment -- we just want the best three guys there).
When I was a kid, I would always fill out an All-Star ballot, punching out the chads with my No. 2 pencil, in the most efficient way possible: I'd pick my nine Cardinals and then the first name on the American League side, since that was the other league and I didn't know any of those players.
So in honor of 8-year-old Leitch:
HALL OF FAME BALLOT
You want to see future Hall of Famers in your All-Star Game, don't you? Well, here are the players most likely, at this specific moment in history, at each position to end up in Cooperstown.
You want experience, or just grey hair and a (slight) paunch, here's your ballot.
Of course, you also want to show off the future. Don't worry: All of these guys are old enough to buy a beer.
Everybody likes to see the dingers! How many are gonna go bouncing off the crazy statue in center field in Miami?
It seems as good a year as any -- 35 years since his lone World Series title? -- to let Whitey Herzog be the honorary manager.
HIGHEST AVERAGE EXIT VELOCITY
Now we're talking. Here's where the laser beams are coming from.
MOST PLATE APPEARANCES
Remember: The most important part of playing in the All-Star Game is actually playing in the All-Star Game. You want to make sure everybody shows up.
Who have been the most productive, efficient hitters? This is the best way to tell.
Sure, it's a small sample size, but it would still be fun to watch these guys patrol the field.
Balls in play are less prevalent than at any time in decades. These guys are downright throwbacks at this point.
There would be no better way to show off the excitement of baseball than a bunch of players walking. (These lineups would be fantastic, actually.)
If you want to see what baseball actually looks like in 2017, these are almost certainly your All-Stars.
CLUTCH (WIN PROBABILITY ADDED)
It might be real, it might not be, but these are the people who have actually increased their teams chances to win the most this year.
Get yourself a baseball star who can also dunk, and get stuff from those high cabinets.
This lineup would keep South Beach restaurants backed up for weeks.
MOST ENJOYABLE NAME
Well, this one is subjective. But these are mine. No write-ins allowed on this one.
GUY MOST LIKELY TO WIN A BRAWL
We finish, as always, with the Pugnacious 17.
Make up your own! Or just get out there and vote.