Back in January 2015, out of total frustration with the profound idiocy of the Deflategate controversy, my editors here at Sports on Earth and I began discussing where it ranked among the dumbest sports stories of all time. Then I realized: When you take a step back, all sports stories are pretty dumb. We think these things are so important at the time, and people on television yell at each other at increasingly loud volumes about them, and then a week later we move on to something else.
Thus, a regular feature: A look at the 10 dumbest sports stories of each month. It is shockingly easy to come up with them -- stories that rattle around the sports biosphere, get us all riled up and then go away.
10. Did Madison Bumgarner once date a woman named Madison Bumgarner? As someone with a bit of history with the place, I have to say: I'm so proud of Deadspin for actively trying to find out if the oft-told story that Bumgarner once dated a woman with his name is true. This has been bothering me for years. I'm not sure they found out for sure, but all that matters is that they're asking the question.
9. Derek Jeter's Yankee Stadium plaque is oddly puffy. It's not as bad as the Cristiano Ronaldo bust. But, uh, it's not great?
Derek Jeter's plaque got stung by a bee. pic.twitter.com/QSpOlndEhU- Alex Iosiovich (@Alex_Iosiovich) May 15, 2017
8. The Matt Harvey story. Admit it: You've already forgotten about the whole "Matt Harvey may have slept in" story, didn't you? Can you believe how much time we spent on that? Who cares about Matt Harvey? Who cares about his sleeping habits? Were we just super bored at the beginning of this month?
7. The Giants-Nationals fight. There were a few dumb baseball fights to choose from this month -- the Red Sox-Manny Machado one was particularly silly -- but it's tough to beat a fight in which every teammate of Hunter Strickland was so baffled by the fact that he threw at Bryce Harper that one of them may have accidentally given another one a concussion trying to stay out of the fight. Strickland is a very confusing human.
6. How not to play keeper in soccer. Like this. This is very bad.
5. Mr. Met has a message for a fan. You know, for a mascot that is incapable of changing its facial expression, Mr. Met sure can display a wide range of emotions.
Statement from the New York Mets. pic.twitter.com/bRVvqZoqg8- New York Mets (@Mets) June 1, 2017
4. Curt Schilling is back, saying things! Schilling was oddly quiet in April, so it was a relief to see him back this month, being dumb as a box of rocks, but much, much louder. First it was him accusing Adam Jones of making up stories about being called racial slurs at Fenway Park -- despite the Red Sox themselves apologizing to Jones -- but the real fun was his response to the response on Boston radio, which featured this gem: "No one denies racism exists, but when people like him lie about an incident and others just take him at his word, it perpetuates a mythical level of racism." I am not sure that sentence make sense, on several levels, mythical or otherwise. Welcome back, Curt.
3. Reince Priebus messes up a football metaphor. To be fair, reporter Molly Hooper allotted that Reince might have been saying "punch," which makes more sense. But it's more fun the way she heard it the first time:
.@Reince exiting gop cloakroom tells me: "The president stepped up and helped punt the ball into the end zone."- Molly Hooper (@mollyhooper) May 4, 2017
2. Florida's head football coach is not naked and pretending to have intercourse with a shark. Bless someone for asking him.
1. The worst strikeout of all time. The existence of this video makes one wonder if it's possible to strike out on at-bats that happened days ago, or weeks, or months, or years.