One of the smartest and most gifted quarterbacks to arrive in years was accused by some -- OK, only by one -- of reading the wrong playbook. And all this time, Robert Griffin III must've been shocked to learn that one of his duties in the NFL requires him to follow the scriptures in the Black Book, the Biblical how-to reference guide for all people of a certain color.

You know the book I'm talking about. The one that explains why he must think, talk, dress, behave and even marry a certain way or get kicked out of the club. That's what happened to Karl Malone, the Hall of Famer who had the audacity to play in Utah, wear flannel and develop a taste for cowboy hats and boots. Derrick Coleman called him an Uncle Tom and most NBA players who were asked to respond to something so outlandish and outrageous immediately rushed to pledge their support … to Coleman.

The Book details how to avoid this. Got my copy right here, and if you'd like, I'll skim through the chapters real quick and show you how to keep it real.

Music. The good book has very strict rules against almost all types. Sensitive stuff right here. RG3 can't sway to salsa or samba, can't allow himself to get hook on classical, can't get too technical on techno, he can't rock and he can't roll. And while it's fine for him to live in this country, under no circumstances can he ever, ever listen to country and risk being labeled a good 'ol boy or even worse, a sellout.

RG3 should re-check his iPod and if his playlist doesn't have any Trick Daddy then he needs to ask himself some very serious questions. The Book is almost unanimous in its praise for all things rap and hip-hop, with a special shout out to Jay-Z for his major contributions to sports. Not only is Jay a part owner of the Nets (about .00007 percent, but who's counting?), he delivered the sports anthem of 2012, the infectious "Ball So Hard" collaboration with Kanye which is actually titled "Ni**as In Paris."

Education. You see, RG3, right off the bat, was all in the wrong here. Does he realize the damage he did in graduating from high school in three years? And getting his degree from Baylor before he took his final snap in college? And accepting his Heisman with amazing grace and poetry that had many folks in the red states marveling at how "well spoken" he was for a, ahem, football player?

Even now, doesn't he realize how white he sounds?

The Book frowns upon those members who refrain from using any dialect in their diction and who spend too much time immersing themselves in books (other than this one, of course). It brings to mind a scene in "Hoop Dreams," the award-winning documentary about two teenage basketball players on the hard side of Chicago who only have one goal in life. One of them hands his report card to a college recruiter. She studies it briefly and then says: "Judging by this transcript, you must be a heck of a basketball player."

He took that as a compliment.

Tattoos. What? No tats? That's why RG3 is suspect. He has the wrong secondary skin color, in a sense. He plays before millions of fans and shows them nothing with his right arm except an ability to throw deep and accurately. Sorry, that's just not enough. Best anyone can tell, he has little to no ink and that's just not the way to go through life as a black athlete. He needs to be more like Colin Kaepernick, a player who's worth watching and even reading if you look closely enough.

Promptness. The Redskins rave about all things RG3, but especially how professional he is away from the field. In the sports vernacular, he is always "on time" and yet that goes against the Book and one of its stricter codes. RG3 should know by now that if Mike Shanahan calls a meeting at noon, he needs to show some real leadership and arrive at quarter-past.

A few years ago when he found himself under attack by some in the community for a lack of authenticity, the second-most famous man in Washington did just that. President Obama arrived about three minutes late for a speech before a group of black journalists and immediately remarked: "You guys keep asking whether I'm black enough… [so] I figured I'd stroll in." Place erupted.

Politics. I wasn't aware RG3 was a Republican until I heard it on ESPN. If true, then that's grounds for eviction, according to the Book. That would mean RG3 is doing a bootleg run, which is OK on the football field, not so in the political field. Because if you are black, you must run with the pack (I think Jesse Jackson coined that rhyme).

RG3 better call an audible, and quick, or else karma will catch up to him faster than Justin Tuck. He plays in Washington, the most political city in America and also a passionate football town, and so his career might be at stake. He needs to look at what happened to the last Republican quarterback who tried to take over Washington. JC Watts hasn't been heard from since.

Spouse. RG3 plans to marry outside of his race, which was cited on the ESPN show last week as a reason he isn't pure. The Book isn't too clear on this. Suppose his wife happened to be Japanese? Thai? Brazilian? Mexican? There are different rules for different situations but when it comes to choosing a wife, one color in particular is a no-no.

Some years ago, Thurl Bailey, who starred on Jim Valvano's national championship team and later had a very respectable career in the NBA, was at the mall with his wife. She was of Another Color. They went to the food court, found a table, and then Thurl went to the counter. He noticed two black women sitting at a nearby table but thought nothing of it.

When he returned, he saw the look on his wife's face and instantly knew something had happened in the five minutes he was away. She had been heckled by the table of black women. Bailey went over, told them they should be ashamed, and proceeded to dump his soda on their heads.

Appearance. RG3 has the braids going, which is a good start, and yet his hairstyle really isn't radical enough for the Book. Cornrows would be preferred, but since that's beginning to go out of style, he should adopt the gangsta weave that flows out from the helmet long and thick enough to cover the "Griffin III" on his jersey. Also, if possible, his pants should sag just a crack. So to speak.

All of the above, and more, is outlined very clearly and concisely in the Book. It's required reading for RG3 and a lot more important to him than a playbook, which can only teach him how to win games, not win over a race.

I should add that the author's name is Dumb Ass and the book is outdated.