I saw "Man of Steel" over the weekend. As you probably know, after his parents on Krypton send him to Earth as an infant, Clark Kent grows up in a farm family in Kansas. In one scene, you see him wearing a weathered Kansas City Royals T-shirt. Clark of course grows up to be Superman and saves the world. But that T-shirt made me wonder, what if ...
Jan. 7, 2013 (Royals Newswire) -- The Kansas City Royals announce the signing of OF Clark Kent after an open tryout in Smallville, Kan. "It's very rare that we sign a player from a tryout," said Royals director of scouting Lonnie Goldberg. "Kent is a raw prospect, but he shows good potential. We were especially impressed by the home run he hit over the Smallville water tower. Especially considering the baseball field is on the other end of town."
Feb. 24 (Royals Newswire) -- Royals prospect Clark Kent went 4-for-5 with four home runs in his first spring training game. He also hit the ball out of the park on his fifth at-bat, but on the way to first, he flew into the stands to catch a toddler who had fallen out of the upper deck. He was called out for running outside the baseline. "It was a good start," says Royals manager Ned Yost. But Yost noted that all of Kent's home runs were on the first pitch: "We'd like to see him show a little more plate discipline."
March 28 (Royals Newswire) -- OF Clark Kent was assigned to Triple-A Omaha despite leading all players in spring training with an .882 batting average and 47 outfield assists. "Our team needs a veteran presence," manager Ned Yost says. He announced that nine-year veteran Jeff Francoeur would start in right field.
May 20 (Royals Newswire) -- OF Clark Kent was called up from Omaha and started in right field over the weekend in place of Jeff Francoeur, who was hitting .209/.250/.295 as of May 19. Kent hit a Pacific Coast League-leading .908/.996/3.725 over two months in Omaha, winning eight consecutive PCL Player of the Week awards. However, Kent did not get a hit in his first three Major League games, as he bunted in his first 11 plate appearances against Oakland. "He has to learn to manufacture runs," hitting coach Jack Maloof said. "There is just no reward here [for us] trying to hit home runs."
June 17 (Royals Newswire) -- OF Clark Kent is listed as day-to-day after being hit in the head with a pitch in a game against Cleveland. Five players were hit by pitches and seven players were ejected in the Royals' 6-5 loss. Both benches emptied in the ninth after Kent was hit with a fastball by Indians pitcher Joe Smith. Kent remained upright, and catcher Carlos Santana picked up the ball to find that it had been neatly split in two. Both teams quietly returned to their benches.
July 7 (Royals Newswire) -- Royals OF Clark Kent, who leads Major League Baseball in all hitting categories, finished fourth among AL outfielders in All-Star Game voting, behind three New York Yankees.
Aug. 4 (Royals Newswire) -- Royals officials denied media reports Sunday that OF Clark Kent is a user of anabolic steroids. The Boston Herald, quoted an anonymous courier for a bagman for a bookkeeper for a landlord of an unlicensed pharmacist as saying: "Come on. That guy has GOT to be juicing." Royals owner David Glass said he has faith that Kent is clean, although he understands how some might be skeptical, especially after Kent's recent home run that crashed through the Citgo sign 1,200 feet beyond the left-field fence at Fenway Park. "Plus he does that laser thing with his eyes," Glass said. "That's a rare gift. The only other player I can remember who could do that is Bob Gibson."
Aug. 20 (Royals Newswire) -- Royals OF Clark Kent set a major-league record by being intentionally walked for the 37th consecutive time in Tuesday's game against the White Sox. Kent was then booed by home fans for refusing to steal second, despite his exceptional speed -- he has been timed going from home to first in 0.00000001 seconds. Asked after the game about his decision, Kent said simply: "Stealing is wrong."
Sept. 5 (Royals Newswire) -- OF Clark Kent went hitless with 15 strikeouts during a four-game series with Seattle, dropping his league-leading batting average to .921. "He barely got the bat off his shoulder. It looked like he could hardly stand up out there," manager Ned Yost said. "But then he'd go back to the trainer's room and he'd be fine. I don't get it." In other news, the Mariners replaced their normal home plate with a glowing green version for the series, honoring Irish history in Seattle. Asked how he came up with the idea, Mariners owner Max Mxyzptlk declined comment.
Sept. 19 (Royals Newswire) -- The Royals' Clark Kent became the fifth player in Major League history to play all nine positions in one game on Sunday against the White Sox. Kent added to the feat by playing all nine positions at the same time.
Kent pitched eight perfect innings but was pulled for a pinch-hitter in the ninth, and Chicago scored in the bottom of the ninth to win 1-0.
Kent finished with a .921 average, 147 home runs and 492 RBIs -- all major-league records.
The Royals finished 72-90.
Nov. 11 (Royals Newswire) -- Clark Kent announced his retirement from baseball Monday. "Baseball was fun, but I have other matters to attend to," he said as he kept a flaming oil rig from collapsing on the gathered media.
To replace Kent on the 40-man roster, the Royals signed SS Yuniesky Betancourt off waivers from Milwaukee.
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Questions? Comments? Challenges? Taunts? You can reach me at firstname.lastname@example.org or on Twitter @tommytomlinson. (Something else you discover in the movie: Clark Kent follows Kansas football. We didn't have the heart to go there. One lost cause at a time.)