As 2013 comes to a close, the 30 Major League Baseball teams have largely created their 2014 rosters. It's a time for reflection, for trying to figure out how to do things better in the New Year. They may not be looking to do what you are, like lose 20 pounds, or finally finish that treehouse, but hopefully, they are introspective enough to take these suggested New Year's resolutions to heart.
National League East
Atlanta Braves: You clearly have commitment issues. You're moving out of Turner Field less than 20 years after it was built. And this isn't the first time you've done this, either: remember how you got to Atlanta, 13 years after bolting Milwaukee, where you moved from Boston. Resolve to stop trying to run from your problems.
Miami Marlins: You just signed Jarrod Saltalamacchia to a three-year deal. Just for kicks, see if you can go a whole year without trading him.
New York Mets: 2014 resolutions still being run past ownership's creditors.
Philadelphia Phillies: You have 12 commitments for 2014 of at least $900,000. All 12 are to players 30 or older, and 10 of the 12 are to players 33 or older. In the New Year, try to internalize the 1960s motto, "Never trust anyone over 30."
Washington Nationals: Please, I'm begging you, Nationals, if Bryce Harper might be hurt, please give him time off. Resolve not to let him dictate when to return to the lineup. Be cautious with him, so we don't all have to live through another Pete Reiser.
National League Central
Chicago Cubs: I mean, it's the same one as they've had every New Years Day since 1909, when the resolution was to repeat as World Series champions.
Cincinnati Reds: Make sure none of your players acts in an unprofessional manner toward a talented, respected reporter.
Milwaukee Brewers: Take a closer look at how first basemen are supposed to hit, and then reconsider whatever plan led you to start Yuniesky Betancourt at first base last year, and to consider Michael Young there this year.
Pittsburgh Pirates: Think about how much better Francisco Liriano, Mark Melancon, A.J. Burnett and others have been than you had any right to expect, resolve to give pitching coach Ray Searage a raise.
St. Louis Cardinals: Do everything in your power to make Carlos Martinez, who is as exciting to watch as any hurler in the game, a part of your starting rotation.
National League West
Arizona Diamondbacks: Try to make amends to Mark Trumbo, a perfectly competent first baseman, for bringing him to a team where he'll either have to play the outfield, or back up Paul Goldschmidt.
Colorado Rockies: You're trading Dexter Fowler, but you're adding Brett Anderson. You're signing Justin Morneau, who is years removed from hitting like a regular, and Boone Logan, a solid lefty out of the pen for a contender, for $16.5 million over three years. 2014 resolution? Resolve to decide whether you're coming or going.
Los Angeles Dodgers: Reconsider your decision to dial back all the spending. The Yankees are coming in on a strict budget, and baseball needs a C. Montgomery Burns. I want money baths on the mound pregame. I'm looking for Yasiel Puig to homer, watch his ball leave the yard, and do it while burning a $100 bill in the batters' box. Embrace your inner antagonist.
San Diego Padres: Let Kyle Blanks play, every day, somewhere. He's entirely too talented, and you will regret trading him.
San Francisco Giants: Get Hunter Pence a television show. Skits, interviews, I don't care.
American League East
Baltimore Orioles: Make sure if you say a guy's injured, he's actually injured when you elect not to sign him.
Boston Red Sox: Re-sign Quintin Berry, then consider increasing the degree of difficulty for each of his stolen base attempts -- bases already loaded, David Ortiz ahead of him, the field is on fire -- so we can find out just how impossible it truly is to throw him out.
New York Yankees: Try and remember: nobody cares if your owners save a bunch of money by getting under the $189 million luxury tax in 2014 but you. Resolve to stop talking about it already.
Toronto Blue Jays: Treasure the chance to watch Jose Reyes play every day.
American League Central
Chicago White Sox: Focus your energy on saying goodbye to Paul Konerko, back for one more year, and saying hello to his replacement, Jose Abreu.
Cleveland Indians: Just a thought: if you're committed to Yan Gomes at catcher, consider trading Carlos Santana for a third baseman, rather than making him play third base to get into the lineup.
Detroit Tigers: Spend 2014 reflecting on how you allowed the Nationals to steal Doug Fister, and how to make sure that doesn't happen again.
Kansas City Royals: Prepare for the possibility that Danny Valencia (29 years old, career 94 OPS+), who you just acquired for depth, will outhit Omar Infante (Turn 32 years old on 12/26, career 93 OPS+), who you just signed to a four-year deal to start at second base.
Minnesota Twins: Resolve to use the careful, thoughtful way you handled Joe Mauer's concussion and transition to first base as a model for your future planning on concussions. But maybe stop spending so much money on pitchers with 5+ ERAs last year.
American League West
Houston Astros: Decide to start showing games from your minor league affiliates on the scoreboard during your major league games.
Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim: Spend every waking moment figuring out how to sign Mike Trout for the rest of his natural life.
Oakland Athletics: Prepare for a host of national attention coming your way every time Sonny Gray pitches.
Seattle Mariners: Revise whichever plan led to 1. Robinson Cano! 2. ????? 3. Profit!!!!!
Texas Rangers: Try not to forget that you're getting to watch a Hall of Fame third baseman in Adrian Beltre every single day.