By Sarah Turcotte

So Tiger Woods won't be playing this week at the Masters (*sniff, sniff*). It's understandable if that makes you feel lukewarm about the tournament, but that's why the Vikings (or whoever) invented gambling -- to make otherwise underwhelming events suddenly gripping. Nothing will cure your Tiger-less woes like having a little skin in the game come Sunday, and we assembled a list of prop bets just for the occasion. (You're welcome, Jim Nantz.)

For all those innocents out there, a proposition bet is one in which you offer a wager to a friend or "the house" (who is likely another friend). The bets can range in dollar amount and should vary based on the stakes. We're offering some educated odds, but feel free to adjust per your group.

We recommend a dollar for each wager unless otherwise specified, but don't let us stand in the way of putting next month's rent on the line. And please let us know if you have additional suggestions in the comments. We'll be playing along.

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An announcer saying the word "coveted" as relates to green jackets
You will be reminded. Again and again.
Suggested O/U: 6

Paulina Gretzky sightings
Before last week, there would have been little chance of seeing her, as the Masters is notorious for keeping the boobs off the screen. But now that she's a Golf Digest cover girl, she may well surface.
Suggested O/U: 2

"A tradition unlike any other" being spoken
Two options here: The amount of time before first mention, or total mentions.
Suggested O/U on time before first mention: Nine hours (because CBS will own this)
Suggested total mentions O/U: 9

Tiger mentions
He's not playing, but you wouldn't know it from the number of times he's going to be discussed. Also, two options for this bet: first mention or total mentions.
Suggested O/U on time before first mention: Two minutes
Suggested total mentions O/U: 15

Discussions of Patrick Reed's academic pedigree
Reed, the No. 2 in current FedEx Cup Rankings, went to Augusta State. This will be discussed. Many. Times.
Suggested O/U: 5

Pimento cheese sandwich homerism
Cheap concessions are a hot take at Augusta. Two wagering opportunities here: one for simple mentions of the sandwich and another for remarks about how inexpensive it is. Feeling lucky and good at math? Parlay the two bets.
Suggested sandwich O/U: 4
Suggested affordability O/U: 2

Eisenhower Tree remembrances
The mighty loblolly pine died after an ice storm this February. There should be plenty of mentions of that sad fate to tally. Bonus action -- another combo bet? -- for any talk about two obstacles (Tiger and the Ike shrub) being out this year.
Suggested RIP O/U: 4
Suggested obstacles O/U: 1

Tiger conspiracy theories
How often will we see footage of Tiger's ill-fated drop on No. 15 during round 2 last year?
Suggested O/U: 1 (per broadcast)

Praise for older smoking-and-drinking guys
Angel Cabrera and Miguel Angel Jimenez both thrive at the Masters. Mentions of either one counts. Keep count of all the talk of their vices to further increase the wagering.
Suggested Cabrera or Jimenez mentions O/U: 10
Suggested "these-guys-drink-and/or-smoke" O/U: 2

Talk of Phil's core
Mickelson has an ailing oblique. If he's playing poorly, you know this will be discussed. If he's playing well, you know this will be discussed.
Suggested O/U: 7

Odes to the majesty of the magnolia
Just kill me. References to the lovely foliage might kill you, too, should you opt to make this a drinking game. You will hear about the local flora over and over.
Suggested O/U: Gah, I don't know. +/- 368?

Mentions of "pageantry"
Almost as bad as magnolia. Why are announcers even allowed to talk during the Masters?
Suggested O/U: 6

"Get in the hole"
A couple years ago, some developer created a web browser extension called "Unbaby Me" that could remove all the baby photos from a user's Facebook feed. We need that type of ingenuity applied to crowd noise during golf broadcasts. As is, not 10 minutes will pass without hearing someone yell "get in the hole" after a shot. We get it, clever patrons: You've seen Happy Gilmore. Impressive as it is that you can remember and repeatedly shout a line from the movie, consider freshening up your material.
Suggested O/U: 5

"Kooooooch" lessons
The announcers will make sure that you know that those patrons yelling at Matt Kuchar are not booing, but rather supportively shouting "Koooooooch." People would never boo Kuchar because he is nice and kind and likable -- ESPN and CBS will make sure you know that.
Suggested O/U: 4

Low round
Marc Leishman and Sergio Garcia each carded a 66 in 2013.
Suggested O/U: 66

Winning score
Adam Scott and Angel Cabrera tied with a 279 (-9) in 2013.
Suggested O/U: 279

Swimming at the dozen
First player to dunk one on No. 12. Non-field bets pay 20-1.

Rory McIlroy
Adam Scott
Phil Mickelson
Jason Day
FIELD

No. 1 scores
Scores of the top five players in odds on hole No. 1 as relates to par (4). Rory McIlroy, Adam Scott, Phil Mickelson, Jason Day and Matt Kuchar are in play.
Suggested O/U: 4.2

How do you solve a problem like No. 10?
Historically, the par 4, 495-yard Camelia -- the toughest hole on the course -- closes at 4.32.
Suggested O/U: 4.3

Balls in Rae's Creek
A total crapshoot. Many, many balls will end up in Rae's Creek as players try to conquer holes 11, 12, and 13.
Suggested O/U: 18

Highest score on No. 12
Thirteen is the highest tally ever on the par-3 troublemaker. Tom Weiskopf notched one in 1980. Will his mark be bested (or worsted)?
Suggested O/U: 9

Speedwalking chatter

Because Augusta doesn't allow waiting spectators to run to their spots as the gates open, a speedwalking ("racewalking," to elite competitors) meet breaks out each morning.
Suggested O/U: 3

"That wacky Rickie Fowler" talk
Fowler dons an orange ensemble on Sundays in honor of his alma mater, Oklahoma State. The broadcast team will assuredly refer to this as "wacky" or "unusual." When they do so, someone deserves money.
Suggested O/U: 2

Admission slip nomenclature
In typical Augusta fashion, the members prefer that entrance passes be referred to as badges, not tickets. Will any commentators slip up?
Suggested O/U: 1

Crowd description
Will the broadcasters mess up and say "gallery" or "spectators" instead of the Masters-approved "patron"? If they do, collect some cash -- and as you do, think of poor Jack Whitaker, who was ousted from covering the event in 1966 after referring to the "patrons" as a mob.
Suggested O/U: 1

The back nine vs. second nine debate
Augusta National prefers that we refer to the "front" and "back" nines as "first" and "second" because no nine is inferior in their view. Will the announcers front? Or will they have Augusta's back? (I'll show myself out.)
Suggested O/U: 2

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Sarah Turcotte is a writer and producer living in New York. Her work has appeared in ESPN The Magazineespn.comGolf DigestFast CompanyBon Appetit and Details. She played collegiate golf at The University of North Carolina-Chapel Hill. Her greatest golf achievement was not being in last place after the first day of her only LPGA Tour start. She tweets occasionally at @turcottesarah.